You run a zoo.
It's been what you do for 17 years now. And it's tough.
Sourcing animals, creating suitable environments, feeding them and caring for them isn't a simple task.
Then there's the visitors.
You have to attract people to visit and make sure they're entertained and most of all. safe.
Somebody's 3 year old winding up as Lion lunch isn't good for business.
In recent times, it's gotten harder to run a successful Zoo. There are more things for people to do nowadays - kids are happier playing Fortnite or FIFA than they are watching depressed Chimps fight over apples in a drab concrete amphitheatre.
So you bring in a strategy consultancy who charge you $500k to tell you that need to improve customer experience (or CX as the bandits call it). In the focus groups they ran, people asked for more exotic animals - more Jurassic Park and less Petting Zoo.
The Partner from your strategy consultancy peers over his Gucci glasses and tell you sternly that a Zoo Transformation is what's required. Otherwise, your Zoo is toast.
As part of this, you'll need to hire a herd of Zebra Unicorns.
They're the latest thing.
Your helpful recruiter friend / parasite tells you that they can find them for you, but it'll be pricey as Zebra Unicorns are really scarce. But, after 3 months of trying, it seems that they're rarer than even his 20% commission fee warrants.
No Zebra Unicorns. The Zoo Transformation clock is still slowly ticking as your Zoo remains un-transformed.
Surely other Zoos have run Transformations - can we not steal some of their Zebra Unicorns? Have we thought about poaching them?
No? Ah - of course - as a Zoo, we are anti-poaching.
Your CFO has an idea - what about we simply put Ice Cream Cones on the heads of our existing Zebras?
But you point out that you only have 4 Zebras today and they've got a habit of trying to steal Ice Creams from children. They LOVE Ice Cream Cones and the last thing they need is encouragement.
What about Horses? Surely there are plenty of horses on the market?
But nay (sorry!) - horses don't have the relevant skills to help enable our Zoo Transformation.
They're inexperienced and can't hack (sorry!) it.
So you're faced with a choice - either cancel the Zoo Transformation and risk the Zoo falling into obscurity, overtaken by other more interesting venues with better CX - or do something crazy and different.
You whip (sorry!) up a quick Job Specification for the Zoo Website...
Horses wanted to assist with Zoo Transformation
We're looking for enthusiastic Horses to work on exciting Zoo Transformation initiatives.
You don't need to be a Zebra Unicorn.
But you do need to be capable of becoming one.
We will provide you with a Zebra Onesie and a supply of Ice Cream Cones* that you must wear on your head at all times.
*You must promise not to eat the Ice Cream Cones like our Zebras do.
You will feel stupid at first, but we're looking for Horses who are happy to live a little outside of their comfort zone. If you're not cool with this, you're probably the wrong kind of Horse for us and you may as well gallop along.
It doesn't matter what field (sorry!) you've worked in before. But you should have at least visited a Zoo and be able to think through what's required to make a Zoo run better.
We'll give you things to do, and people to work alongside to build your Zebra skills and Unicorn abilities, so that over time, you won't need the Onesie and Ice Cream Cones.
At Resulting, we provide advice to companies who are transforming their businesses with technology like SAP S/4HANA, SuccessFactors, IFS, Netsuite, Workday, Salesforce and Sage X3.
These skills are rare. Some are Zebras, some are Unicorns, some are Zebra Unicorns.
We're growing fast in a market that has a supply and demand imbalance, and an ageing workforce.
So we're looking for new blood.
- If you're a Horse who has an understanding of business processes in any of these areas - Finance, Procurement, Sales, Marketing, HR, Logistics, Manufacturing and Maintenance...
- If you have an appreciation for technology and how it can improve business processes, and make businesses successful...
- And, if you don't mind being outside of your comfort zone as your build your Zebra Unicorn skills...
You should send your CV over to us and be sure to mention Horses in your cover letter.
We're not looking for Nags though.
Colts, Mustangs and Warmbloods only.
P.S If you're a Zebra who fancies escaping your existing Zoo (and promise not to eat all of our Ice Cream Cones) we're also interested in hearing from you.